Just some Monday evening chatter

I'm sitting in my bed at the early hour that it is itching to write a blog post, although there is really no rhyme or reason to this post. I'm just in the mood to write and share. I remember always keeping a journal as a kid and I still do to this day at the fine age of 21. Yes, I am 21 and in bed at 9pm. But somehow, I love it. Writing in a journal was always a way for me to let out my feelings, worries, secrets, and desires without ever being judged or questioned. A pen and paper will never judge or be biased, which is why writing was always important to me.

At the present time in my life, I have quite a lot going on. At times, it becomes overwhelming and it can be hard to express how I feel in an accurate and meaningful way. My multicolored peace sign journal that my boyfriend gave me probably 3 years ago sits on my desk. It just sits there. I see it everyday when I am going through the motions of each and every day. But why is it that I have not been picking up that journal to write? I ask myself that question often.

I came to realize that I am sometimes afraid to pick up that journal and write. I am fearful of letting out the hard things. That is not to say my life is full of woes and sadness. I actually have a lot of good things going for me and I am one of the luckiest girls in the world. However, when I am dealing with a particularly difficult struggle, I am the kind of person who would rather brush it under the rug rather than talk about it.

My growing interest in blogging and YouTube has inspired me to write more and slowly become part of the world that I became so enamored with. To write about anything. Any silly, sad, uplifting or stupid thing that might pop into my head. I want to write about them all. I think back on the times where writing in a journal was therapeutic to me, even at the young age that I was.

Today, I rediscovered the power of written word in conveying emotion. I have been experiencing many different emotions, and many of them can't be put into a single word. I am graduating at the end of the fall semester. I'm thinking about pursuing a Masters in Social Work. But I don't know if I should find a job first. I wonder what the future will hold for my boyfriend and I. We are coming up on 6 years this December. I don't know where the time has gone. We are in the midst of an important step in our relationship; his grandparents from China are here for a visit. This is a bigger deal than one may think. I won't go too much into detail and bore you all to tears, but this has been a pretty rough patch for us. We are making it through, and I am excited for what the future holds for us, although I still harbor a lot of stress, worry, and anxiety. 

All in all, there is a lot going on for me at this moment, and I am vowing on this day to start writing again to help me through the hard times. I don't know how many people will read this blog. Maybe no one will. But I hope if anyone does, that people will be able to relate and hopefully see the therapeutic powers that writing can have over us. I plan to use this blog, as well as the rainbow peace sign journal that stares at me from my desk. I hope to become a more internally peaceful person, and I appreciate that you are joining me on this journey. 

Stay beautiful and be happy! 

XOXO,

Hannah